I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
