How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
