i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
