the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
