So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
