those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
