Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
