those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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