If i come over, it means nothing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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