pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
