bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
