Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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