I'm going to jail i love you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
