So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
