Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
In America we eat man semen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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