Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
