what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
