Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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