I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
