the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
