Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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