i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
