i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
