We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
