the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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