You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
