I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
