Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
