I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
