Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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