Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
