Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
