I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
