I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
