I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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