you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
