We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
