Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
