peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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