it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
