If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
