Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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