hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
