What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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