Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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