You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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