I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.