P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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