I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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