my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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