So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
