Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
