so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
