You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
