and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
