I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
