Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
