i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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