I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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