I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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