dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
