If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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