A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
