Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
