I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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