I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize